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The Effects on Children of Same-Sex Parents

by Dr. Scot O'Grair @ isocrat.org

2008-06-01
2008-06-20
2008-06-20
2008-11-30

Keywords:: Child Development, Children of Same-Sex Parents, Isocrat.org, Science, Same-Sex Headed Families, Lesbian And Gay Parents

Depending upon how one defines orientation (from direct self identification, to experiencing some same-sex attraction), between roughly 1 and 10% of the children in the United States are being raised by lesbian or gay parents (1). From the 2000 US government census, same-sex parents are found in 96% of all US counties, about a third of same-sex couples are raising children (compared to 45% of married heterosexual couples), and they are even more apt to do so in the most conservative US states (2).

We hope here to review what the science does and does not show in regards to these children of gay and lesbian parents.

Contents:

Introductory Warning:

The political and religious controversies GLBT issues engender make conduction of objective science difficult in this area. All sides of the gay-rights debate have, to some degree, been guilty of massaging the existing science to fit politics. Some will hope to claim there is absolutely no difference found in such children, and others will hope to paint these children as irretrievably doomed and pathetic human beings. Added vigilance and skepticism is required from all sides.

To be clear, isocrat.org advocates for equal rights for same-sex parents and their children. Nevertheless, we will not claim there is absolutely no difference found in the children of same-sex parents (just as there is difference from average in many groups of children, such as those raised by mixed-race or left-handed parents), and we hope to remain as objective as possible.

Various reviews have been written on this topic (3, 4, 5, 1, 6, 7, 8) and there is much research to wade through. We will attempt to split the categories of findings into similarities and differences, but be aware there may be some necessary overlap. At the end we will look at how this research is commonly abused.

Similarities:

Cognitive Abilities - As one should anticipate, there are no differences found in the cognitive abilities (IQ, verbal skills, and so on) on children of same-sex parents (9, 10, 11, 12).

Gender Behaviors - While gender behaviors may range a great deal depending upon one's culture (13), researchers have attempted to quantify the extent to which children of same-sex parents conform to the gender roles of western culture, in dress, play, and so on. The research on many groups of children and parents, from various countries, through decades has found no substantial difference in gender behaviors (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 5, 3, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 12). Children of same-sex parents end up behaving the same with regards to typical gender behaviors as their peers. In that mass of research, there is an outlier that should be mentioned, though it may just be a meaningless statistical blip. Green, who in a previous study could not find any difference (18), found, in a separate study a slight difference in daughters, though not sons (9). Daughters of a mixed group of homosexual and transsexual parents in this one study were more likely to play with toys such as trucks and aspire to traditionally male professions (e.g. doctor, lawyer) for their time (1986).

This lack of significant difference in gender behaviors should be expected as both children and parents in same-sex headed families are products of their respective cultures. What are not culturally determined aspects of gender behaviors are as ingrained in human biology as a parent's orientation.

Gender Identity- There has been no difference found in the research in children's gender identity (9, 23, 18, 16, 10). Again, gender identity is very likely to be biologically determined. Gay men and lesbian women most often hold the gender identity of their biological sex, if not the typical orientation, and thus, even if genetic, they should not pass such a difference on to an abnormal degree.

Psychological Well-Being - No difference in psychological well-being has been revealed by a multitude of research groups, within a large number of families, from a wide range of times and locations (11, 25, 26, 16, 27, 25, 28, 9, 10, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 23, 19, 34, 7, 35). This question has been asked and answered so many times that there are far too many studies to analyze one by one, but more detail on each may be viewed in the isocrat.org library, or by clicking on the reference of interest in the reference section below. Specifically, there has simply been no difference found in a child's self-esteem, anxiety, use of counseling, behavioral problems, engagement in school activities, and so on.

Closeness to Parents - A couple studies found no difference in measures of closeness between children and parents (17, 26). Though, it should be mentioned that a 2004 study found greater closeness to parents in lesbian-headed families (35).

Sexual Activity - A 2004 study by Wainright, based on a group of children selected randomly from a national sample of adolescence found no significant difference in sexual activity in children of same-sex parents (12). It should be noted that a 1997 study found that daughters of lesbians were slightly more likely to be sexually active and sons were slightly less likely to be sexually active as teenagers (26).

Differences:

Orientation - This one is a bit complicated, and yet, in the end, reasonable. One of the earliest studies found that every child with a homosexual or transsexual parent (n=13) experienced a heterosexual orientation, if old enough to experience any orientation (18). That sample was very small, but similar findings of no difference have been reported in other work (23, 16, 7) . Outlying research has also shown that daughters of lesbian parents are more likely to consider having a same-sex relationship, and experiment in that area while growing up (26, 36). On the other hand, that same research once again showed no significant difference in the children, compared to the heterosexually parented control group, in self-identification as gay or lesbian as adults. Basically, being in families that would not harm their children for being gay, the adolescents felt free to experiment, as one would expect, but showed no difference in their eventual orientation.

Research on sons of gay fathers revealed about 9% of the adult sons self-identified as gay (37). It is difficult to decide, without a control group, where this number should be. The gay population is reported to be anywhere between 1 to 10% of the population (Related isocrat.org article). Consider though, in a recent study, 9% of men who self-identified as straight (70% of whom were married to women) were having sex with men (38). These are men from the general public, and such findings are not rare enough (39, 40). Clearly then underreporting of same-sex orientation is very likely for children of heterosexual parents. It stands to reason that gay men raised in families that would not coerce them into acting straight will feel no pressure to marry women and then meet their orientation by cheating on their families. Simply, in same-sex headed families, there should reasonably be no concealment of orientation, though such concealment is common in the families of the general population. Comparing the two groups is problematic.

Perception may be important as well. One study found that, while the homosexual parents in the study did not have more of a wish that their child would be gay or straight--a finding that has been reported elsewhere (24)--some children did perceive that their parents may desire them to have their parent's orientation (26). Such misunderstanding, though, is easily cleared up when it comes to the surface.

In summary, there is little evidence to think gay parents raise gay children to a greater degree than any other parents (For a weak exception see the section below on Cameron), but they do seem to raise children who view their sexual orientation with a more open mind. On the surface, the lack of difference in orientation should be a bit surprising, due to the fact that there is a significant biological contribution to orientation (Related isocrat.org article). Because it seems most of these causes are found in the womb environment and in complicated genetic relationships, it is reasonable to find a biological component to orientation in siblings and yet lose track of it once genes are mixed with a genetic stranger, and a completely different womb environment is experienced by the child.

Friends - Though they might not be more apt to be gay or lesbian, these children do seem to be more apt to be friends with gays and lesbians (26). Because these children are all raised with values that reject bigotry towards gays and lesbians, this is to be expected. This same research showed these children rated the quality of their relationships in young-adulthood with no difference, though. Green et al. could find no difference in measures of popularity with same or opposite sex peers in children of lesbians (9). But Hovedt et al. found daughters of lesbians reported unusually elevated popularity (41).

Teasing - All children, of course, will be teased for some thing, even an arbitrary thing, and so it is very difficult to determine if a child would not be teased to the same extent, if not for any one reason. Nevertheless, it is clear many people are biased against gays and lesbians and it is reasonable to wonder how such bigotry spills over into their children.

Researchers have attempted to gauge how teasing of children may be related to the orientation of parents. In a 1983 blind study, Golombok's group was unable to find any difference in the school-age children of lesbians with regards to their peer relationships (16), and similar findings were reported by others (9). However, 14 years later, a follow up study by Golombok on the same group of children found that male children of lesbians reported greater incidents of being teased by peers assuming they themselves were gay (no significant difference was found in female children, in this regard) (26). Another study, on 3 to 9 year-olds, by the same group at this same time revealed, once again, no discernable difference (42). Apparently, school age children did not seem to report more teasing, but, once out of school, they remembered teasing about their parents more, as might be expected for the fact that the teasing was aimed at their family, and not something less emotionally charged.

Gershon et al. could not find a difference in the emotional function of children of same-sex parents when compared to norms, but they did find differences between children who had been teased (33). It was found that those who experienced teasing had lower self-esteem than those who did not. It was also found these children may also have access to effective coping skills. Clearly, for such reasons, it is important for extra precautions to be taken and guidance given when a child is being harassed, for their parent's orientation or any other reason.

Children produced in heterosexual relationships which dissolved when the mother or father came out as gay reported extra concern about how peers would regard the divorce, though no incidents of harassment were reported (43, 44, 45). Care should be taken not to extrapolate these experiences into families that were created to be same-sex headed families from the start, and never experienced a divorce.

In summary, the results are mixed. It does seem such children are, or at least recall being teased somewhat more often. Furthermore these children do seem to put extra consideration into how to address their family type with peers, as one would expect. Regardless, they retain normal relationships with their peer group (see above), and there is no difference shown if measures of anxiety or psychological difficulties (see above).

Lastly, time and place must be taken into consideration particularly with respect to the research on teasing. Many of the studies examining teasing were performed at least a decade ago. Consider that in 1978, Green reported 3 of 21 children of homosexual parents reported minor incidents of hostile peer interactions (18). Those same teens would have a much easier time three decades later. The times are changing quickly and each year brings with it new levels of acceptance of gays and lesbians and their children. People, even those with anti-gay agendas, are much less willing today to punish a child for perceived sins of their parents. Thus research in this area is quickly out dated.

Miscellaneous - These children differ in some minor, but often obvious areas as well.

As one would expect, they tend to feel more able to discuss their sexual development with their parents (26).

In instances of divorce, children of lesbians felt closer to their mother's partner than did the children of divorced heterosexual mothers (26). They also were found to have more contact with their non-custodial father, than in cases where a heterosexual mother divorces their father (16).

Some research has also found children of lesbian parents were reported by teachers to show more concern for younger children, and less aggression problems (34). It should be noted that children raised by non-biological parents, in general, have been shown to have fewer behavioral problems (related isocrat.org article); thus the cause in this case may have nothing to do with having same-sex verse opposite sex parents (46). Children of infertile couples, in general, are also shown to experience more involved parenting (47, 48, 49, 50, 51).

Counter Arguments

The Research is Flawed - No one should doubt that there are significant difficulties in conducting research on children of same-sex parents, just as there are in many areas of science. It is problematic to find these families, and difficult to know if you have found a representative sample of such families.

Some of the studies out there, some of those referenced above, were conducted using methods that were necessarily not the ideal. Nevertheless, one would be greatly mistaken to toss out all such research, and would reasonably only do so for political motivations. One must read and consider the methods; in isocrat.org's library such information may be found, along with links to where one might find the full text.

On the contrary, many responsible precautions were taken. Metal-analysis and many reviews exist to analyze larger samples of children (3, 4, 5, 1, 6, 7, 8). Control groups of, for example, siblings or others from the same demographics are used (17, 34, 11, 9, 14, 24, 25, 27, 16, 23, 42, 10, 26, 12, 30). Those collecting the data are blinded to parents' orientation (37, 27, 17, 11, 23, 24, 25, 10, 19, 26, 42), those evaluating the children or test scores of the children are blinded as well (16, 37, 17, 27, 11, 33, 25, 16, 23, 10, 19, 26, 42), and those participating in the research are even sometimes left in the dark as to the topic of the research (37, 42). Furthermore, some of these studies are based on random selection of participants (e.g. from fertility patient, or high school registries), removing many of the problems with sample selection (17, 27, 12).

The Researchers are Biased - That's right. It is rare even in physics for a test to be conducted without some expectations as to what the result will be. There are probably a good number of biased researchers in this field, but the great thing about the way formal science is conducted is that that matters little. We can look at their methods, we can repeat experiments, and we can look at the data alone and ignore the conclusions of the researchers.

For example, consider the nearly 20 studies listed above that found no significant difference in the psychological well-being of children raised in same-sex headed households. Many of these tests were strictly standardized and often the researchers were blinded as to the orientation of the child's parents. Could one, or maybe even a couple sham research articles make it to press on this topic? Probably. Nevertheless, it is ridiculous to add up all those researchers, all those journals, all those peers reviewing the work for errors before it may be published and conclude that they are all involved in a mass conspiracy because they did not find what we, one individual, expected, even if it goes against our personal anecdotes.

Of course, this doesn't mean our anecdotes. are wrong either. There are some terrible gay parents out there, just as there are some terrible straight parents. Some of the children in any group are emotionally scarred, but they are simply not representative of the average. The child of same-sex parents is difficult to distinguish from any other.

Any Difference is Negative - Both pro- and anti-gay rights activists are guilty of this assumption. Children of same-sex parents are different, in some statistically significant ways. Why is that important? In fact, many of the differences found in these children are beneficial, such as their increased ability to discuss their sexual development with their parents (26), greater empathy for younger children (34), and their greater propensity to be friendly towards gay and lesbian peers (26). Even what some see as a negative difference, their increased propensity to experiment with their sexual orientation, is not truly a negative. Not even increased teasing would necessarily be a negative, as the skills gained in dealing with bigotry, skills from which their parents benefit, are quite useful in adult life. Difference, simply, is not tragedy.

Any Difference is Important - Often, even the slightest difference in this area is used to define these children, positively or negatively. Many of the detected differences are small, some bordering on statistically insignificant. Just because, for example, boys of lesbian mothers in one study were found to be slightly less sexually active in adolescence (26), it doesn't mean that such a finding can be used to tout the puritan qualities of such children. Some differences may be real, but so slight as to be unimportant to everyday life.

Furthermore, it is important to remember children of many groups are different. Children raised in rural areas are different (52). Amish and Jewish children are different (53). Some groups even produce children with detectable negative differences. Easily, it may be shown in the research that on average there are measurable detriments for children of parents who: live in poverty (54), are under twenty years of age (55), had prior marriages (56), have general anxiety disorder or have been diagnosed with depression (57, 58, 59), are deaf (60, 61, 62), are mixed race couples (63), and we could go on and on. Yet no one is out to stop such couples from marriage or raising children and for good reason. Some of these detriments are more substantial than what is often even claimed for the children of same-sex parents, but, away from anti-gay bigotry, most everyone knows not all difference, even negative difference, is an important difference.

The Fault of the Difference - Often one will hear the argument that gay couples shouldn't raise children because, if they do, the person making the argument will hurt the children. Anti-gay rights advocate will actually use their own attacks on gay people and their children to argue against gay parents, as they pretend worry about the harm their bigotry will inflict on the children. This is akin to arguing that left-handed citizens should not have the right to drive, because it is too dangerous due to the fact that you will to ram your car into any left-handed person you find driving.

The onus and blame is on the person doing the harm. Trying to coerce families out of existence by treating them poorly does not work. Jewish couples did not stop having children for fear of bigots; slaves and Native Americans did not give up their families for fear of how 19th century America would treat them; nor should they have. Yet their children had its unspeakably more difficult than any child of a gay-headed family today. In short, if you think gays and lesbians should not be parents because their children may be the focus of bigotry, the correct response is to look at yourself, what you do and how do you teach your children.

Single Mothers = Same-Sex Couples - This must be one of the more common abuses of the research. Anti-gay rights activists will often use research on single mothers to jump to conclusions about same-sex parents. It is difficult to not believe such abuse of data is purposeful as the same groups often express their preference for children to have two parent homes. Simply, you cannot equate children raised by a single parent to a child raised in a two-parent household. Two parents have more time to devote to their children and are less likely to use daycare and more likely to have added income and opportunities for their children. To say a fatherless child of your average single heterosexual mother, particularly a teen mother, equals a fatherless child raised by two adult lesbians is misleading. One shows some detriment, the other does not.

Divorced Parents = Same-Sex Parents - Similarly, a child who's been through a divorce and ends up living only with one parent does not represent what happens to children raised without a mother or a father. In a divorce, children are often traumatized by the infighting, and by issues of loyalty to one parent or another. There is often trauma in the parents and a shift in their standard of living. The children of divorced parents cannot be compared to children of same-sex parents.

Single Gay Men = Same-Sex Parents - This, again, is a common deceptive practice. Some activists will take, say, research from the 1980's on the sexual practices and fidelity of gay men sampled from populations in a STD clinic and attempt to extrapolate those finding out to the familial behavior of today's same-sex parents. As any parent knows, the life of a single man is nothing like the life of a parent. One spends their evenings in bars and the other in PTA meetings.

Same-Sex Couples = Same-Sex Parents - Similarly, not even the life of gay couples can be usefully compared to the lives of gay parents. There are many varying concerns and lifestyle differences involved and the behaviors of couples cannot be used to make predictions about the lives of children raised by same-sex parents. To do so would make as much sense as using the behaviors of typical couples dating in college to determine that infants of heterosexuals are frequently left alone while their parents, who are often not monogamous, leave them each weekend to attend keggers.

Same-Sex Parents Last Decade = Same-Sex Parents Today - Times must also be taken into consideration. A closeted gay man before the AIDS epidemic, even if he was a parent, is not a gay couple in 2005 with two kids and a mortgage. Much of the social stigmatization that damaged gay men, lesbians, and their children in the past is now waning or, even for some in the newest generation, absent. Gays and lesbians are not as likely today to be alienated from their families and friends and thus they are not the same as the gays and lesbians of even last decade.

Without Legal Marriage = With Legal Marriage - Care must also be taken to be aware of the extra financial and political stress same-sex parents and their children are under due to their lack of equal rights in many jurisdictions. There are many rights by which a family may benefit (Related isocrat.org article) and many by which the whole of society may benefit (Related isocrat.org article). Without those rights and legal responsibilities, which promote stability and financial security in a family, it is difficult to compare the two groups.

Cameron - One figure should likely be mentioned here, as his research, though taken as unreliable by most serious researchers in the field, is often quoted by anti-gay activists and used in courts of law.

Paul Cameron is the chair on the Family Research Institute (64), a group meant to generate research (or propaganda, depending upon how one looks at it) on, among other things, gays and lesbians. His methods have been called into question, for good reason, by a number of professional organizations. Though he claims to have left voluntarily while under investigation, the American Psychological Association terminated his membership for "violation of the Preamble to the Ethical Principles of Psychologists". The Nebraska Psychological Association resolved to dissociate itself "from the representations and interpretations of scientific literature offered by Dr. Paul Cameron in his writings and public statements on sexuality" (65). The American Sociological Association, concerned that Cameron was being presented as a sociologist in the media, adopted a resolution that "Dr. Paul Cameron has consistently misinterpreted and misrepresented sociological research on sexuality, homosexuality, and lesbianism" (66). They asked their members to counter his claims and "condemned his consistent misrepresentation of sociological research." Cameron was also disassociated from the Canadian Psychological Association for the same reasons of misrepresenting research. Of course, his side of the story is that he is the victim of a pro-gay conspiracy. In short, even though it is treated as reliable by anti-gay activists, the man and his research and analysis are not trusted and are judged to be deceptive by most of his professional peers.

Still his methods and results should be considered. For a recent example, he has used 3 books he found on Amazon.com written by sons about their gay fathers to conclude gay men raise gay sons to an abnormal degree (67). Much of the past research used by Cameron is based on a 1983 survey. We will not directly address the methods and results here, as others have already taken up the task. The problems with this survey are best described by Dr. Herek (68). Cameron's more recent published research is not much more reliable (69, 70).

Summary

In the end, there is a huge body or research on the children of gays and lesbian. The quality is variable, but from the sheer mass of it some trends may be extracted. Children of same-sex parents seem to be like any other in a number of areas: cognitive abilities, gender behaviors and identity, closeness to their parents, sexual activity, and psychological well-being. Nevertheless, they do differ from the average child in some other areas: treatment of their orientations, willingness to make friends with gay and lesbian peers, their experience of teasing, and a couple other minor categories. For their sake, it is important for all sides of the gay-rights debate to keep in mind that these children are both different in some important ways, and just like any other child, in their hopes and desires, in their love and need for their unique family, and in their humanity. They should not be disparaged for political gains, nor should their differences be ignored.

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61. IFbh27 pxjdwyabhfja, [url=http://jajkwnqzeftz.com/]jajkwnqzeftz[/url], [link=http://mequwyaqlzzx.com/]mequwyaqlzzx[/link], http://pboeowfpgkcq.com/. IFbh27 pxjdwyabhfja, [url=http://jajkwnqzeftz.com/]jajkwnqzeftz[/url], [link=http://mequwyaqlzzx.com/]mequwyaqlzzx[/link], http://pboeowfpgkcq.com/. rzyGfjzButmA, IFbh27 pxjdwyabhfja, [url=http://jajkwnqzeftz.com/]jajkwnqzeftz[/url], [link=http://mequwyaqlzzx.com/]mequwyaqlzzx[/link], http://pboeowfpgkcq.com/.

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69. Burroway, J.. Paul Cameron Conquers Cambridge. http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/Articles/000,012.htm. (2006).

70. Burroway, J.. A Look At Paul Cameron’s “Medical Consequences of What Homosexuals Do”. http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/Articles/000,009.htm. (2006).

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